as a means to organize
compartmentalize and get frustrated with myself when it doesn't turn out right when i can't get across what i am feeling even to myself toward myself beside myself in front of and behind above and below nothing can feel complete when you don't know where to start it feels like i'm forgetting what i was supposed to remember and remembering everything i was supposed to forget i say, "go easy" "give me time" "can you repeat that?" "it's one of those days" "maybe tomorrow" but everyday is one of those days and every moment tomorrow is the same prompted laughter premeditated facial expressions rehearsed reactions beginning and ending the day alone performing until i close the curtain but the show is still not over rid me of consciousness empty me of everything fill me up with nothing and start over the scene let me try again only if there's enough time
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October 2023
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