i am starting to feel like myself again
like there has been a shift maybe i'm finally rising back up to the surface maybe it will fade by tomorrow but finally finally i look outside the window and see the lights a little more vibrantly in the city i dreamed about a city that has felt so dark has been illuminated once more and i think to myself, "i can dream again" finally i'm dreaming again i can hear it i can see it i can almost touch it let me get there before i go back down i have everything i need finally now i am told to trust myself but there is nowhere to place the anchor i can only ride the waves yesterday i was drowning on the bottom today i am swimming on the surface and i can only speak for myself today and i cannot place any bets on tomorrow or even the next five minutes it comes in waves but finally i am reunited with hope after some cold few months i try not to think too hard about returning to the cold because i am here now i am warm finally the pattern is unpredictable but looking back, i see similarities of up and down in front and behind above and below but never in between i am on the better side now perhaps dangerous perhaps too fast perhaps impulsive perhaps fleeting but finally for now finally
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October 2023
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